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I did! Aren't ya'll proud? Actually I'm lying. What's a club? Clubs out here consist of pickup trucks, perms, and Budweiser in a can. Nicole couldn't come out to play tonight so you brought along Fro? Fro needs a new look. That's a car Hohan, not a toilet seat.
Page Six is reporting that Britney Spears has gained a fat 51 pounds during her pregnancy. The pop diva has become addicted to fried chicken, milkshakes and Starbucks coffee drinks. Gee... who are the sherlocks over there......that story was a tough one to crack. Kevin never really was selective about who he hooked up with.
The producers of the show The Simple Life are losing their patience. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie still hate each other and aren't planning on making up anytime soon. The producers are trying to figure out how to film the show without the duo being in the same room. Isn't keeping them in different rooms, taking away all the fun? ...and when I turn sideways, I almost disappear. Are those fingersor bones? What kind of questions do you think they are asking her? What she eats? Who's her dealer? Is Lohan hiding in her purse?
Those smart people over at the E! Channel, have pulled the plug on Taradise. The shows producers told Tara and crew to pack their bags and enjoy the flight home.What the hell am I going to watch on T.V. now???? It's hard not to laugh at all that silicon .
Jennifer Lopez took the spotlight away from her husband, when the crazy hosts of "The View" dragged her out from backstage. Lopez had planned on staying in back so she wouldn't take any attention away from Marc Anthony's performance.Too bad we weren't paying any attention to Marc's singing anyhow. When they get divorced...who will get to keep that sweater?
In case you decide to skip the OC this season, Marissa and Ryan are finally going to bang. Hell yeah, she'll be pregnant in no time. She's not like those other girls.......Mischa Barton is hardcore.
Posh Spice swears that she was misquoted and does in fact read books. The singer's new claim is that she just never ends up finishing them because she's busy raising her kids. Or don't you mean your busy watching your nanny raise your kids? Ladies...these are the adverse effects of tanning beds. What did I tell you about playing with matches? First the plastic gets all big and shiny, then it melts. David Beckham must want to kill himself.
Entourage's Jeremy Piven, might have a new lady soon. Piven's mother would like him to date Lindsay Lohan, after seeing her on the Jay Leno show. Mommy Piven said she thought Lohan looked attractive and seemed smart. Clearly, she must have had the T.V. on mute. Shut the F up....I can't get the car door to open up. Oh man...I'm so blitzed...shit the door....it won't open. Hehe....um yeah...the door won't open...how do you open it again? Remind me next time that I go clubbing that I can't leave in a car with doors........doorless cars only next time....hehe.....
Tara Reid's purse got stolen in Ibiza, Spain. The Balenciaga bag contained $180,000 worth of jewelry including a Rolex watch. The actress had put her purse down in a busy airport, while she collected her suitcases off the luggage carousel.Tara is very upset.........and to this I say..... that's your own damn fault dumbass. Pictures with Tara are a dollar but kinky nights are free.
In case you haven't gotten any ass lately, LA over at Junk Feud gives you some options. My bets are on Paris and Nicky...I always knew they had lumpy butts.
Ben Affleck is giving up partying to be a baby daddy. The actor is vowing to stay at home and give up his partying ways once his child is born. Affleck give up partying?..... that's like Michael Jackson giving up little boys or Tara Reid deciding to dress conservatively. Give me some of what Ben's smokin'
My apologizes to fans, gossip websites, and other news organizations that quoted me as saying that Kirsten Dunst is pregnant. There is no way Kiki could possibly be pregnant...I mean look at her firm little belly. No weight gain whatsoever..... Not a bulging stomach in sight. What the hell was I thinking? Round Rounder Roundest Screw it, She's pregnant people.
Beach! I meant beach. Shit I always screw that up......anyways, Lohan went to the beach with her family Labor Day Weekend. Dad Lohan was not released from jail for the event. Damn, I know your crying about that one. Maybe I left my stash in Nicole's purse....I can't possible get through the day without it....I might have to eat something if I can't find it. Oh little sister, I'll soon teach you MY ways of dieting. My boobs used to be this big. I got a dollar on the girl with the pink bikini! Strangle her!
Britney Spears is scared to become a mother. Shit Britney, we're scared for you. Just imagine the kind of crap your going to dress the kid in. Remember the days of virgin Britney?
Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong are engaged. Good for them. I like them and I like this picture and this is like the one time you'll catch me like being nice.
.....And if cleaning up on Kim Stewart's leftovers wasn't bad enough, Mischa Barton's new love looks like Weird Al. Unfortunately, Mischa Barton is dumber then we thought, as she continues to let Cisco Adler romance her. Man.... this dude makes Brandon Davis look like Prince Charming on a white horse and all. Do you think they talk about how dumb Kim Stewart is?
Back by Popular Demand- Lindsay's Just Eat Two Campaign
The holiday weekend brought many new applications to the Just Eat Two club. I eat two things and look how great I am. Be like me. Join the cult. I guess Lindsay wasn't kidding when she said black rappers love her. Okay........ you can join Michael, but you can't eat two kids a day. Jay Leno says he'll Just Eat Two because he is a fat ass. Ofcourse Gisele joined because those dumb models never eat. Ashley eats ten things??? Oh whatever....no celeb's joining that club.
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